Froggy in Varialand
by Igrewinlovewithyoursins
Summary: What happens when you fall down the rabbit hole. A Varia fic. Hints of Bel x Fran and XS. Rated T for language and for what it implies. XD Please R&R!


Yes this indeed was inspired by the upcoming Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland... also by my laziness and refusal to do my _actual_ Alice in Wonderland assignment for Creative Writing. I wasn't sure whether to put this under Bel x Fran or Squalo x Xanxus, but yeah heads up there's both.

Thanks to Persia no Hime, for proof-reading for me ^.^ I love you Nia, unconditionally I think XD jk

Rated T: For language and yeah...

Disclaimer: I don't own KHR or Alice in Wonderland...

Summary: What happens when you fall down the rabbit hole. A Varia fic. Hints of Bel x Fran and XS

* * *

Froggy in Varia-land

_I'm falling? I think I'm falling... _

THUD!

_Holy shit that hurt! _ You rub your head (slightly throbbing from your fall) and try to figure out where you are. Your thoughts are soon interrupted by another voice:

"Ow... what the hell?"

You look up to see a green haired boy with eyes of emerald, sitting across from you, on what seems like grass. He's holding a shoe, _your _shoe you realize, you assume it must have hit him on the head during your fall, since he was rubbing his head as well.

"Oh I'm sorry did my shoe hit your head?" You apologize, reaching out for the shoe as he hands it to you.

"Yeah... it's okay, I guess," The boy says getting up, "I've endured worst thanks to that Hatter." He reaches his hand out to you, you take it and he helps you up, "And besides, it's not like you did it on purpose." He smiles and you imagine he doesn't do that often. "I'm Fran,"

You smile back, being polite and all, and introduce yourself, "I'm *insert name*" You look around, and find yourself in what seems to be a forest. "So... Fran, do you know where we are?" You say putting on your shoe or at least trying too.

"Well, I'm not sure exactly..." Fran explained in a monotonic voice, "but from what I've been told, we're in the Forest of Varia, whatever that means."

"Great!" You say sarcastically, although you've finally managed to tie your shoe.

"I know huh." He agrees, putting on what looks like, _wait-_

"IS THAT A FROG HAT?!" You ask. _He wasn't wearing that a minute ago! _

"Hmm?" The boy turned and looked at you with a blank expression, "Oh yeah, it's a frog hat."

"Why in the world are you wearing that?" _It's cute and all, but really, it isn't often __a person witnesses suc__h a sight._

"Well, because the Hatter made it for me," Fran shrugged, "And now I'm forced to wear it..." He muttered the last part under his breath.

"Hatter?"

"Yeah, his name is Bel," Fran explained and you realize that you'd started walking, "He's the Hatter of Varia... and he's also... quite _mad._"

"A mad Hatter?"

"Yep."

"I see..." You say, "so... where are we going?"

"Well, _I'm _heading down to the meadow," You feel embarrassed as he exaggerates the 'I'm', "The Hatter sent me to go get something from the Caterpedo. And since you're following me, I guess you're coming along, but it's okay I don't mind."

"Oh okay, well it's not like I have anything better to do... since I am kind of lost and all." You say nervously.

"Yeah and I rather not be alone with the Caterpedo." Fran adds with a voice full of unease.

"You mean _caterpillar._" You correct.

"No, Caterpedo," The green haired teen explains. "Like a caterpillar and pedophile, put together... Ca-ter-pedo."

"Ahh..." You get it now, "Well, I see why you wouldn't want to be alone with him now..."

"Yeah... the stupid Hatter does it on purpose too."

"You keep mentioning the Hatter, do you work for him or something?"

"Nope, he's my boyfriend." The boy says bluntly.

_WHAT DID HE JUST SAY!? _

"Boyfriend?" You might've heard him wrong.

"Yep."

_Well... I support gay rights, _"Must be quite the relationship you've got there then," You say sarcastically, "seeing how much you complain about him and stuff."

"Yeah," The boy shrugs, "It's kinda like this hate/love thing ya know?"

"Yeah I guess I know what you mean." You reply.

"Look we're here," Fran points into the distance where you see an open meadow.

_That was fast!_

As you guys approach the meadow, you smell a fruity scent in the air.

"KAWAAIIIIIIIII!!!" A high pitched voice startles you.

"Aw crap." Fran mutters.

"MY FRAAAAAAAAANNNNNNIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" A man (at least you think he's a man) dressed in... (_is there a word to describe it?_ _Very colorful?)_ well whatever, he was running towards you and Fran (who's eye had started to twitch). "HEEE'S COOOME BAAACK TO VISIT_ MOI!!!_" The man (Caterpedo you assume) attacks an unprepared Fran. You feel sympathy for the boy.

"Uh, yeah Lussuria," Fran tries to squeeze out of the death hug, "Bel-sempai said to come back soon."

"Aw, how selfish of him! He has Frannie all to himself!" The man said in an incredibly whiny voice. You had no idea that a man's voice could even go that high. "Oh," He turns and looks at you. You're not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. "Who are YOU?!"

"Uh, I'm _______" You say nervously.

"AWW! CUTE! HE'S/SHE'S PEOPLE SHY!!" He squeals.

_Er... not really, I'm just afraid of you a little._

"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Lussuria!"

"Yeah, um, Lussuria we have to go soon," Fran interrupts. "So, where is it?"

"Oh yeah that," Lussuria put a hand to his cheek, "Well I can give it to you, but as soon as I do you're going to have to run."

"Why?" Fran asked.

"You'll see sweetie!" Lussuria said before shoving a pink (_why doesn't that surprise you?_) paper bag into Fran's hands, and running off to who knows where. "Sayonara Frannie dear!"

"Where the hell is he running off to?" You start to say, but soon your question is answered as Fran points into the distance. There you see... a cloud of smoke? _No, a dust cloud? AN ANIMAL STAMPEDE!?_

"Is that a peacock?! And a shark?!" You exclaim.

"Run!" Fran says with an urgency in his voice.

"Run?" You turn to look at him but he's already halfway across the meadow. "Hey!" You take off running.

"What the hell are those things?!" You ask/yell as you catch up to him.

"Box weapons." He answers between pants, and again you have no idea where you're going.

"What weapons?!"

"Box weapons."

"Yeah, not gonna ask."

"Don't."

You see a castle-like mansion coming up ahead. You imagine that's where you're heading.

_Damn, if that's the Hatter's house, then making hats is probably a career I should look into. _

You guys reach the castle/mansion's door and Fran opens it quickly.

"Hurry! Get in!" The teen says.

The collection of peacock, shark, and liger is close behind, you rush inside the building and try to help Fran close the door.

"It's no use there's too many of them!" You say.

Fran opens the pink paper bag and pulls out a cookie, he opens the door and tosses it outside. You hear weird noises, but you imagine the animals must have chased after it since you were able to close the door after that.

Fran sighs in relief. You just stare in astonishment. He notices, "What?" he asks innocently.

"COOKIES!?" You exclaim, "WE ALMOST FRIGGEN DIED FOR COOKIES!?"

"Yeah, they're Bel-sempai's favorite." He says calmly.

You sigh, "So I'm I going to meet this Bel-sempai anytime soon?"

"Well, I'm not sure you'd want to..."

"Why not?"

"He's pretty... mad."

"Yeah yeah, the Mad Hatter." You say, "You mentioned it before, but since I just risked my life for his friggin' cookies! I think it's only fair that I meet him."

"Fine whatever, it's your funeral." Fran rolled his eyes, you start to wonder that maybe meeting the mad hatter isn't a good idea after all. You follow him down the hallway anyways.

As you get closer to the end of the hallway, you start to feel the vibrations from a loud bass, coming from the room you're approaching. It is followed by a couple guitars and soon after, some lyrics.

"Your luck, or rather _un-_luck, he's home." Fran says bluntly.

"Bullet for my Valentine?" You ask.

"Yep." He nods as he begins to open the door, letting the music get ten times louder.

You walk in behind Fran. The place inside isn't as castle-like as you'd imagined. In fact, other than the drapes and the architecture, everything is pretty modern.

At least, that seemed to be the case with _this _room, you know as you examine the sound system and the shiny new Xbox 360 a person was playing. The person was sprawled out out the couch lazily, but very good looking-ly, as if he was advertizing for Rockband.*

An "Ushishishi," echoed through the room during the song change.

_What was that?!_

"Duck!" Fran said quickly. Fortunately, your reflexes were with you this time. So you managed to to duck before you got hit by flying... _wait a minute, were those knives!?_

"WHAT THE!? KNIVES!?" You exclaim. "WHY THE HELL WOULD A HATTER NEED KNIFES!?"

"Don't question it." Fran said as he pulled out a knife from his frog hat. _Ouch doesn't that hurt!? _

"Ushishishi, froggy where have you been?" The blond haired one paused his game. He got up an faced us with a very creepy smile. _And was that his laugh?_

"Froggy? I thought your name was Fran." You look at Fran, _is it some sort of pet name?_

"What are you talking about peasant? He's a frog, can't you tell?" _Did he __just call me "peasant?" _"He's the March Frog duh... who are you anyways?"

"March frog?" You ask.

"Don't listen to him, he's delusional." _STAB. _Another knife into Fran's hat.

"No one asked you frog." He looked at you. "Commoner what's you're name?"

"It's _________, and I'm not a commoner." You say annoyed.

"Ushishi, of course you are, everyone who isn't royalty is a commoner."

"I told you that you wouldn't want to meet him." Fran said in an i-told-you-so way. He was stabbed again.

"You're royalty?"

"Of course, I'm a prince!" he smirked.

_Prince? Well I guess that would explain the tiara...yep definitely gay._

"I thought you were a Hatter,"

"Yeah, that too, but only when the prince is bored." He turns to Fran and hugs him, "Stupid frog, you made the prince worry."

_This guy must be bipolar or something... he's positively mad._

"I'm sorry sempai." Fran said blankly, you imagine that's probably as far as that kid goes when it comes to emotion.

"So where are my cookies?" Bel stabbed Fran's hat again.

_What an odd rel__ationship..._

"Here," Fran hands him the pink bag.

"Pink?"

"Yeah... sorry about that."

Bel opens the bag and starts eating a cookie. "So, why are you here again?" He looks at you while chewing.

"Uh... I'm not sure, I was lost so I followed Fran." You explain.

"Ushishi, well I think it's time for you to go bug someone else now," He makes a shoo-ing motion with his hands. "Run along now peasant."

"Where am I suppose to go? I have no idea how to get home."

"Do I look like I care, go be someone else's problem." He says harshly.

"Sempai, I think we should help him/her." Fran says innocently.

"Ushishi, so the frog is picking the commoner's side?" Bel's creepy smile widened. "Fine, I see how it is."

…

_Thud... Thud... SLAM!_

That sound my friends, was the sound of you and Fran being thrown out of the castle/mansion, and the door slamming in your faces.

"Aw man... now he's mad." Fran says as he gets up.

"I'm sorry?" You say.

"It's okay, he's just probably going expect me to make up for it tonight."

"Make up for it?" You ask out of stupidity, as you guys start to walk into the woods again.

"I doubt you want to know." Fran said shyly.

_Why wouldn't-Oh... oh! OH!!! Gosh I'm so stupid! I feel like an idiot..._

"Ah, yeah, never mind!" You change the subject, "So where are we going now?"

"Hm.. well, maybe the White Shark can help?"

"White Shark?"

"Yeah," Fran started to lead the way, "Besides, if we go to the King of Varia he'll just send us to the long haired shark anyways."

"King of Varia? Wait, I though that was Bel."

"No, Bel's a prince," The teen corrected, "and he's the prince of... prince of... hmm... gee I should ask him what he's the prince of sometime."

"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!?" _You're his boyfriend!_

"Nope, but I know he's not the prince of Varia..."

"Okay... so what's the King of Varia like?" You are curious.

"Well... he's angry, bitter, self-centered, short-tempered, and likes to make people suffer."

_What a wonderful king. _"Are you sure he's not related to Bel?" You joke.

Fran laughed, _shocking._ "Yeah, but it wouldn't be surprising if he was..."

"And the White Shark is he like his servant or something?"

"In some ways... I guess you could say..." Fran made a weird face. "At night." He mutter the last part to himself.

"Hmm?" You didn't quite catch that.

"Nothing."

_Okay... _"Oh, is that it up ahead?" You point towards the huge house.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Looks kind of... scary." The mansion was huge, dark, and Victorian, with _The Boddy Mansion_ written all over it. Actually all it needed was a sudden weather change with thunder and rain, and it would be your typical haunted mansion.

"Don't mind that, they do that to scare people away," Fran assures, "It's much better on the inside."

_I'm sure it is, _ you think as you approach the enormous double doors, and Fran knocks.

Soon someone appears at the door. He (well you think it's a 'he') looks kind of ticked off. _Is he the King?_

"What do you want?" The silver haired one spat.

"Good day to you too Squalo." Fran says in his monotone, "We kinda need your help White Shark."

"Vroi, for the millionth time frog, don't call me that."

"Then don't call me frog."

"Fine. Whatever. Just get in here." Squalo opens the door, letting you in. "So what is it?"

"This is ______, he/she's lost." Fran explains calmly.

"And how is this my problem?" The man snapped.

"Well if you don't help him/her, he's/she's going to have to spend the night here, and that may interfere with your night time activities."

You have no idea what Fran is talking about, but Squalo's pale skin turns slightly pink.

"Okay, I guess I can try to help." He sighed. "Where are you from kid?" He says turning to you.

"I-" You are interrupted.

"_F****N TRASH WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!" _A loud voice echoes through the walls of the massive building. It seems to be coming from multiple intercoms.

"VROI!!!" Squalo shouted up the stairs, "I'LL BE THERE IN A F****N MINUTE!"

He turns to you and Fran, "Friggen king is too god damn loud!" _Look who's talking, _you raise an eyebrow."I'll be back." And with that he leaves.

You hear some yelling coming from up stairs, followed by some banging, and gunshots.

"Is this place always this violent?" You ask Fran, he nods.

"And that's on a good day," Another voice joined the conversation, "You don't want to be within a hundred yards of Xanxus when he's hungover."

"Who are you?" You ask as you turn and look at the scary looking man approaching you and Fran. Not scary, you think on further inspection...ugly...

"Ignore him, he's just the door mouse." Fran says bluntly.

"WHAT?! I HAVE A NAME YOU KNOW!" The man is angry now.

"But no one cares, so go away."

"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BRAT PREPARE TO DIE!" _Are those umbrellas?_

"VROI!! LEVI, WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD COME OUT OF YOUR HOLE!?" Squalo said (yelled) coming down the stairs picking pieces of vase and flowers out of his hair.

"But-"

"OUT NOW!"

Levi pouted as he turned and made his way out of the room mumbling to himself.

"So where were we before the stupid boss interrupted us?" Squalo continued.

"You were asking me-"

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, F****N SCUM! WALKING OUT ON ME LIKE THAT!?" You look up to see a man, obviously outraged, stomping down the stairs, a deathly aura following close behind him. Xanxus you assume. You don't know this man but you know that you'd shit your pants if he was talking to you.

"VROI!!! YOU FRIGGIN KICKED ME OUT!" Squalo pulled a sword out of nowhere.

"I THREW A VASE AT YOUR HEAD, I DIDN'T EXCUSE YOU TRASH." Xanxus sent a murderous glare at Squalo, making _you_ want to beg Squalo to stop before blood is shed.

"WELL EXCUSE ME FOR THINKING THAT MEANT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME IN THERE!"

Xanxus pulled out what looked like a gun "SAY THAT AGAIN TRASH."

Squalo obviously knew his place because he stopped.

"BOSSU!!" A familiar shrilly voice came from behind you and Fran. You turn to see Lussuria in an apron holding a spatula. "Dinner is ready!" _When the hell did he get here?_

"I'LL BE THERE WHEN I FINISH BLOWING THIS F****N PIECE OF TRASH TO PIECES."

"BOSS!?" Levi pops up behind Lussuria, "You're not sitting in your throne, is it time for me to clean it again?"

"F****N LEVI I TOLD YOU GET LOST!" Squalo yelled.

"Ushishishi," Three knives fly into Fran's hat, "What's taking the frog so long? It's past his bedtime." Bel appeared suddenly behind Fran.

"Great now he's here." Squalo muttered.

"Shut up trash, don't think I've forgotten about you." Xanxus said, pointing his gun, which had been pointed at Levi for the moment, back at Squalo.

"The food's gonna get cold!" Lussuria warned happily.

You in the meantime are getting a feeling of deja vu.

"Time to go home Froggy." Bel says pulling Fran behind him as he heads to the door.

"But we haven't helped ______ yet." Fran protests.

"Well that sucks for him/her."

"Bel! You and Frannie should stay for dinner!" Lussuria squealed.

"It is getting way too crowded in here." Xanxus said putting his gun away and making his way to the kitchen.

"VROI! EVERYBODY OUT!" Squalo yelled, right before the lights went out.

You can't see anything.

"Aw F**K." You think that was Squalo or Xanxus.

Lussuria gasped in a very girly way.

"F****N LEVI DID YOU FORGET TO PAY THE POWER BILL AGAIN!" That was definitely Squalo.

"Ushishishi, I bet he did." That was a given.

"Sempai, maybe we should leave." Not hard to guess who that is.

"BOSS! BOSS! ARE YOU OKAY!?" Levi you're guessing.

"SHUT THE F**K UP TRASH." Soon after a shot was heard.

Then you hear nothing.

_Is anybody there? Hello? HEY!?_

No answer.

You see a bright light.

_Aw crap... did I get shot? Am I dying?_

Nope. That light is the screen of your computer. Everything starts to come back you to you now.

_Aw man, I fell asleep reading fan fiction again._

**END.**

**

* * *

I'm not sure which Mad hatter I'd prefer Bel or Johnny Depp, I love both of them to death XD**

**Yeah... I wasn't sure if Bullet for my Valentine was the type of band Bel would listen to... but it was what was playing on my iPod at the moment, and I was too lazy to look for a song. But hey a few more seconds and it would had been Panic at the Disco (which seems less likely for Bel's character). :P**

**Sorry if it got too OOC but... heh heh that was kinda the point... :P I also apologize if it go too long (yes for me that's long.) XD**

***LOL yeah I'd buy Rockband if Bel was selling it XP**

**PLZ R&R! That would make me very happy ^.^**

**-Eko**


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